The Waiting Game

For four days now, I've been waiting for the go ahead for the HCG shot. I never thought I would say this, but I am actually looking forward to the big stick in the ass. The doctor is holding back because my E2 levels are too high. I didn't understand what this meant but after some online reading it appears that the estrogen levels really shouldn't exceed 3000 (some think even that is quite high) and today mine were 9000. Woah. In addition, on one web site I found information that says that a large number of follicles combined with my age (>35) and the high e2 levels puts me at high, high risk for multiples. With IVF, the risk of serious side effects from hyperstimulation are real. That is very scary. I read one study that says some people die from it each year. No thank you. Please let that not be me. So, I appreciate the caution. I am glad he is being careful.

Andrew is in Taiwan. Before he left, I sat quivering both in lip and grip attempting to give myself the lupron shot. After about 20 minutes of "one, two, three, go" I could not bring myself to do it. It was a terrible personal moment. I felt a coward. Unable to overcome my fear of needles. Lucky for both of us, I have good friends. I don't know what I did to deserve such good friends, but I have them. So, for two days now my shots have been administered by my friend who is in the middle of a hectic move. It's really too much. I feel so overbearing and intrusive that it is embarrassing. I don't know how to help or be of any use whatsoever. She has all the talents. I'm just a useless fuck with hyper ovaries. What I wouldn't give to be able to make myself useful to her and her husband. Instead, I just humbly ice my belly for the prick. I'm fucking out of needles. This was supposed to be over 6 needles ago!

The rind is not so big now and weird stuff is happening in the pants (more on that later). My breasts are blimps. I'm a turkey waiting for stuffing.

Did I mention that Monday will be my 7th blood draw in a row?